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Justin was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor in July of 1998, 4 weeks before he was to start his freshman year at Penn State.
 Since an early age, Justin had one dream, and that was to attend Penn State. Everything Justin did from playing baseball, golf, participating in student government, being an alter boy at church, was to help him attain his goal of attending Penn State. Upon hearing the news that his tumor was malignant Justin's first question to the doctors was, (which really was not a question, more of a statement to them) "I will be going to college"!
As it was, the doctors informed Justin that school would have to be postponed until after his surgery and treatments. This was a major disappointment for Justin, but he was not going to let this deter him from attending college. The logistics needed to make sure that Justin could still attend Penn State but at Delaware County Campus during his treatments was to say the least, a monumental task. But Justin did it.
That first semester for Justin was rough but his persistence and perseverance shined through! Justin was receiving daily radiation treatments to his head as well as receiving chemotherapy. Justin missed one class during this time! There were days and nights that he was up vomiting and restless but he completed all his assignments. It was only after missing one day's worth of classes did Justin tell his professors of his condition. At no point did he want anyone to know what he was dealing with for fears that he would be treated differently. His advisor promised Justin that he wouldn't tell anyone without Justin's permission. I am proud to say that Justin got all A's and B's that first semester! Towards the end of December '99 Dr. Samii gave Justin and us some well-anticipated good news. All his MRI's and blood work looked so good that he (Dr. Samii) told Justin that if he still wanted to, he could attend school at the Altoona Campus and that his subsequent chemotherapy treatments could be done at intervals conducive to days off at Penn State. You cannot image the joy on my son's face at this wonderful news!
Chemotherapy finished up in March of 99 and we were looking forward to his coming home for the summer. The summer of '99 was fun for Justin he worked at BE&K which is an engineering and construction company, in there IS department. But I think the high point of his summer was attending Woodstock '99. My husband and I were terrified at the thoughts of what could happen to Justin while up there but we could not refuse him this once in a lifetime adventure! As summer progressed, preparations were being made for his return to Penn State. Of course Justin's doctors kept up with his MRI's, PET scans and blood work that always follow a cancer patient and all appeared fine. So again, we were off to set-up things at school. This time Justin wanted to go up on his own, without us! This was a rough time for those of us left behind. . . Adam, Justin's older brother, Danielle his older sister, Craig and I. But seeing how excited and happy Justin was made up for our anxiety. Justin settled in comfortably up at school and all was well. Craig and I went up for Parents weekend in October and we were pleased to see how Justin settled into campus life. He showed us around campus and town and we enjoyed a playful night with him and his roommate Mike. We were back at our hotel when the call came in from Mike. He was awakened by a noise that Justin was making in his bed and when he turned on the light to see what was going on, he found Justin shaking in his bed with a seizure. Thankfully Mike knew what to do and called an ambulance to transport Justin to the hospital. We meet them there. Upon seeing us in the emergency room, Justin immediately sat up and told me "I'm OK Mom, don't look so worried"! Needless to say, we had to bring Justin home to follow up with the doctors. We were given the bad news that the tumor had recurred and a subsequent surgery was needed as soon as possible. Surgery was scheduled for November 16th. Doctors were again going to open my baby's head to remove this apparition that would not let him go.
This is when things turned around for Justin. A close friend of ours works for Nurses n Kids (a home nursing care company) and suggested that Justin receive TPN, a nutritional supplement that is given through IV. (This is where doctors need to treat the whole patient, not just the disease) Dr. Samii agreed and this made Justin strong enough to receive his much needed chemotherapy treatments. Justin made the decision not to return to his beloved Penn State for that semester. Justin continued to get stronger and was well enough to go to Florida once with his brother and another time with his friends during U of D's Spring Break. Justin felt strong enough to make plans to return to Penn State in the fall. His schedule was confirmed the apartment rented, football tickets paid for. Justin then acquired a summer job down the beach, working construction no less, when he started to feel weak and tired. Then the headaches started and he had problems with his vision. We came home from the beach and went back to see Dr. Samii. His prognosis was bleak but Dr. Samii wanted to try another chemotherapy if Justin was up for it. It would mean a two day stay in the hospital, which was a battle with Justin. But he finally agreed only after Dr. Samii promised that he would be home in two days. Dr. Samii knowing he couldn't fight Justin on that agreed. Justin was too weak and the chemotherapy took too much from him but come Friday morning he was ready to go home. That was on June 9, 2000.
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Happily, we went with Justin to help set-up things in the apartment for the spring semester at Penn State. He and two of his high school classmates had originally set up this apartment. Justin again, surprised everyone by how he felt and the joy he had at the little things in life. (Note that again, Justin asked his roommates not to tell any one of his situation, but if someone asked "what happened to Justin head, and why doesn't he have hair" then Justin would tell his tale.) Very few of his professors know of his situation and those that did were asked by Justin not to make an issue of if or show him any special treatment. Once again, Justin shined through! His final grades for that semester were one-tenth of a point (I think) off from making Dean's List! During this time of chemotherapy Justin's body went through a lot, but he tried to maintain himself by going to the gym and working out when he felt up to it.
Surgery and its recovery this time was quite different and Justin had his share of problems. Whenever there is surgery on the brain there is a chance of infection to the menages. This happened to Justin in the form of bacterial meningitis. He spent 5 days back in the hospital and had to have a regiment of antibiotics even after he came home. However, that was not to be the end, Justin could not receive the chemotherapy that his body needed to fight the cancer due to his weaken state. He was still trying to recover. Justin was unable to keep food down and Doctor Samii was trying to find out what was going on. We had a couple of weeks around Christmas when Justin was feeling better. But in January of 2000 Dr. Samii told Craig and I that the tumor had branched out to five and they were growing rapidly. Justin was told he had maybe a month to live. Penn State awarded Justin his alumni status and presented him with a "Certificate of Achievement" and the Nittany Lion Award on January 28, 2000. Justin was so weak at this event that afterwards he commented that he didn't really remember any of it happening.
For the next 3 weeks Justin became weaker but continued to try to hide things from us. He needed help to the bathroom, but fought us every step of the way with his side wards glances that he always gave us. But he got to the point where he knew he needed our help. Can you image at 19 asking your mother to give you a bath? Justin didn't even mind that, his frail thin body looked as though it would break if it touched the bathtub. But those were good times for Justin and me. He told me he didn't want to die in the hospital and that he didn't really want anyone there but us. He didn't want his friends seeing him this way and so weak. Days past and Justin become completely bedridden. We would take turns reading to him from his favorite author Tom Clancy. One day when Danielle was reading to him he reached up to touch her face and we all realized that he was blind. He never told us he couldn't see. Father's Day that year Justin slipped into a coma. Our families came and stayed by our sides as well as Justin's two best friends. We continued to read to him and tell him what was going on in the world. Sunday June 25, 2000 started as all the days previous, 50 needles a day were labeled and ready to administer to Justin by Craig and I. Mid afternoon that day Justin started to have a hard time breathing and I got frustrated with not be able to help him. I asked our nurse Ray if I could just hold him. He agreed that it wouldn't hurt Justin so Adam, Craig, Fr. Greg, and Ray lifted Justin's 6 foot, now 80-lbs. body into my arms. It seemed as though I was holding my infant son once again and as I looked down at his face and half closed eyes I smiled and in that instant my son died. It was 5:40 p.m. and the birds still sang outside and the sun was still shining, how could this be?
The next few days went by as we prepared for Justin's funeral. Justin was buried on June 29th a bright sunny day. His headstone has his beloved Nittany Lion on it as well as the line "Don't worry, be happy" from the Bobby McFarrin song, Justin's theme through his short life. It has been 5 years now since Justin's death. Missing him is still hard and at times I'm overwhelmed by it. Justin always smiled and never asked why him. Justin was brave, courageous, and charming. He had so much he wanted to give to the world, to his family and friends. His suffering is over.
